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How Cheating Hurts a Relationship: Couples Counselor in Charlotte Explains - Part 2

  • Writer: Logan Cohen
    Logan Cohen
  • May 16, 2020
  • 4 min read

By Logan Cohen, Couples Counselor, Family Therapist & Psychotherapist - New Leaf Counseling Group - Charlotte, NC


how cheating hurts a relationship
When it comes to relationship issues for couples around Charlotte or otherwise, many People are faced with healing from cheating at some point in their relationship - whether this is physical, emotional, or both.

This article is a "Part 2" for "How Cheating Hurts a Relationship". If you have not had a chance to read "Part 1", you can do so here. When it comes to relationship issues, many People are faced with healing from cheating at some point in their relationship - whether this is physical, emotional, or both.


Part 2 of "How Cheating Hurts a Relationship" will be covered in this article. We will continue explaining how cheating hurts a relationship, but can ALSO involve some potential “up-sides”.


There are some parts of healing from cheating that will be painful & uncertain, however that discomfort can be traded for new personal growth opportunities for each Partner in the relationship.

how cheating hurts a relationship
It can take a period of time couples counseling with a skilled counselor or therapist to “dig deep” - yet after cheating hurts a relationship - ALL bets tend to already be off - and each Party tends to “come out of the gate” in their authentic position a LOT more efficiently..

If both Partners in the relationship healing from cheating are willing to “show up & do the work”, the relationship can actually become stronger and more resilient through space to rebuild pieces that have often been out of place - even broken - for quite some time.


How Cheating Hurts a Relationship

#3 - How Cheating Hurts a Relationship - Reinforces Co-Dependence That Has Kept Both Partners STUCK


how cheating hurts a relationship
By the time cheating happens in a relationship, it’s never “random”. Our diverse counselor and therapist team at New Leaf Counseling Group has room for your to GROW through the healing process in Charlotte, NC.

By the time cheating happens in a relationship, it’s never “random”. Someone doesn’t just fall down on accident and end up on the floor making out with someone they never saw before, or reach out for intimate texting with an “old fling” when they feel comfortable enough with healthy connection & intimacy in their own relationship.


There is ALWAYS something “off” by the time cheating hurts a relationship - not that it makes the cheating behavior more “right” in ANY way.


However with that said, the cheating was only a symptom of larger issues - sometimes the issues are solely with one Partner in the relationship, however it more often involves both Partners to some degree.


how cheating hurts a relationship
A couples counselor who is experienced in supporting relationships that are healing from cheating knows this is happening as an underlying issue, but will not “go there” until some of the more urgent concerns are addressed and resolved.

However even if one Partner has untreated mental health issues, the relationship dynamics over time take those issues into account & “adjust” to them - making the relationship AND both Partners in it - STUCK.


This is sometimes referred to as “co-dependence” - a harmful relationship dynamic where each Partner “enables” the other to stay inside of their comfort zones that are making them sick - all the while having the excuse to blame the other Person.


By the time cheating hurts a relationship, the Person who cheated has become “dependent” on someone even OUTSIDE of the relationship for special roles that should ONLY be reserved for their Partner in the primary intimate relationship.


how cheating hurts a relationship
As a seasoned Marriage & Family Therapist, I have also been an Approved Supervisor for the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapy (AAMFT) for several years. It is important that the therapist or counselor you select in the Charlotte area has enough experience for these types of issues.

A couples counselor who is experienced in supporting relationships that are healing from cheating knows this is happening as an underlying issue, but will not “go there” until some of the more urgent concerns are addressed and resolved.


How Cheating Hurts a Relationship

#4 - How Cheating Hurts a Relationship - A Reason to Re-Build


Ah, finally...my favorite part of this process. Soon after founding New Leaf Counseling Group 6 years ago in Charlotte, I realized that while cheating hurts a relationship BADLY in the short-term - the ideas held by each Partner in the relationship were NOT doing anybody favors before the cheating behavior even happened.


how cheating hurts a relationship
Healing from cheating might hurt at first, but it doesn’t have to keep hurting - and you and your Loved One can be a LOT better off at the end of it all - but only if the counselor or therapist you select has enough training and experience.

When the cheating is discovered, this experience “breaks open” the relationship for a FULL work-up and re-adjustment. As a seasoned Marriage & Family Therapist, I have also been an Approved Supervisor for the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapy (AAMFT) for several years.


While training provisionally licensed couples counselors & relationship therapists, I spent THOUSANDS of hours in intensive fieldwork & clinical training in the area of counseling psychology and healthy relationships.


With all of this time, I have grown to enjoy working with relationships who are healing from cheating because of what Family Systems theory calls its sheer POWER to “unbalance”

The process of “unbalancing” is the hardest part of being a skilled family and couples counselor because the clients are often reluctant to leave the safety of their “comfort zones”.


how cheating hurts a relationship
Whether your counselor or therapist is based in Charlotte, NC or not, the process of “unbalancing” is the hardest part of being a skilled family and couples counselor because the clients are often reluctant to leave the safety of their “comfort zones”.

It can take a period of time couples counseling with a skilled counselor or therapist to “dig deep” - yet after cheating hurts a relationship - ALL bets tend to already be off - and each Party tends to “come out of the gate” in their authentic position a LOT more quickly.

how cheating hurts a relationship
A couples counselor who is experienced in supporting relationships that are healing from cheating knows this is happening as an underlying issue, but will not “go there” until some of the more urgent concerns are addressed and resolved.

When it comes to healing from cheating, this is actually an area that makes many a couples counselor NERVOUS, so it is important to make sure that when it comes time to heal from cheating in your relationship, that your counselor or therapist of choice is not intimidated by the emotional intensity that is likely to come with this potential for significant adjustments in the relationship.


It might hurt at first, but it doesn’t have to keep hurting - and you and your Loved One can be a LOT better off at the end of it all.


Would you like to keep learning about how cheating hurts a relationship? If you have not already ready "Part 1" and are ready to keep learning and start healing - whether you live in Charlotte, North Carolina or not - consider checking out Part 2 of this article HERE.

Care to learn more about how a Professional Couples Counselor or Relationship Therapist can help you in Charlotte, NC? New Leaf Counseling Group specializes in treating couples healing from cheating, as well as concerns related to Mental Health - with a down-to-earth approach. Find a therapist near you, or just click here for more information designed to support You AND Your most important relationships.


Are you ready to take ACTION? We've got room for YOU to GROW...Click here to BOOK NOW!


25 Comments


Anna Kimberly
Anna Kimberly
May 09

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Pietr Syzmanski
Pietr Syzmanski
May 05

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Jackdaw Bernie
Jackdaw Bernie
Apr 25

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Maria Gatti
Maria Gatti
Apr 24

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Erin Janssen
Erin Janssen
Apr 11

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They were professional and discreet, giving me software to connect to my ex-boyfriend's email and social media. I was able to watch his online activities in and found clear messages and photos proving he was having an affair with a coworker.


Though the truth was hard to accept, I'm grateful for the evidence that helped me move on. The software was simple to use and very effective, and I would recommend…

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info@newleafCLT.com

 

Tel: 704-774-3078

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