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Share Your Heart (Fairly) With Your Loved Ones

The idea of having a "Favorite Child" is a tough topic for many Families. As Parents, we know it is important that all of our Children "feel the love" from us, but what if we have a "favorite"? Can they tell?

Research has shown that 95% of Parents will admit to having a "favorite", with this suggesting that those 5% were probably LYING lol. So, what does this mean for our Kids?

Our very own Adrienne Aaron was recently published in Carolina Parent online magazine, where she helps provide some explanation about how this can play out with Families.

Generally speaking, below are some ways this can happen, even if we are trying our best to "keep things fair":

Developmental stage: Younger children will probably not notice more subtle dynamics and see only the piece that affects them directly.
Personality: A child might be naturally competitive and as a result, more likely to compare herself (and her treatment) to a sibling. 
Self-image: A child might have a more negative view of herself and might project this view onto a parent.

Would you like to know how to speak with your Children more DIRECTLY about this so you can be SURE that there is clear understanding and nobody feels left out? Keep reading...

Would you like to know how to Share The Love "Fairly"?

How to Share The Love "Fairly" #1

Be CLEAR about the household rules and CONSISTENT with the consequences. A child who clearly understands the consequences of actions and sees them equally applied is less likely to think think they are being treated unfairly, compared to a sibling. 

How to Share The Love "Fairly" #2

Explain different treatment when appropriate for developmental stage. Differential treatment is necessary as parenting strategy because every kid is a bit different. What works well for one child might not make sense for another based on age, personality, and even maturity level.

How to Share The Love "Fairly" #3

EACH Kid should feel LOVED. Kids MUST know they are loved unconditionally. There is NOTHING that proves this more than loving our Children consistently through their MISTAKES.

We have separate Our Love for our Child with their behavior, then be very CLEAR with our Child that Our love is unconditional no matter what. If you have a gut feeling that Your Child perceives differential treatment, then you are probably right. Don't be afraid to ask them more directly so you can clarify your decision making as a Parent and reassure them again, that they are LOVED

Adrienne Aaron Pihlgren is a Licensed Professional Counselor with New Leaf Counseling Group, LLC in Charlotte, NC. She specializes in working with other Black Professionals who are looking for support with their mental health symptoms, or even just for some personal growth work. Are you in the Charlotte area and looking for a professional counselor? Follow this link to book with Adrienne today. She has room for you to grow.

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Richy Banty
Richy Banty
31 oct. 2021


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